


Like Mother, Like Son

by 8inchCaliper



Category: Two and a Half Men (TV)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, First Time, May/December Relationship, Older Woman/Younger Woman, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 06:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20003707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8inchCaliper/pseuds/8inchCaliper
Summary: Evelyn has a chance encounter with Rose. Evelyn explains that she's no 'Mr. Nice guy'. Rose isn't so sure...





	Like Mother, Like Son

**Author's Note:**

> I've had my mind on this ship for a long time, but wasn't sure how or when to execute it. I guess the time is now.

She stood in the grand front entrance of the amazing beach house and pondered the astonishing space. She knew it would sell for so much more if only she could get her hands back on it. Most people just saw it as it was: a bachelor pad worthy of epic social gatherings, but Evelyn knew about the fine woodwork, the ornate carvings on the baseboards, terracotta floors, studio style lighting and sprawling beach views as well as access to all the Hollywood up-and-comers. She had to smirk at that. Charlie was nothing if not extravagant even in his own apathetic way. She was proud of how comfortable he was with money, how easily it fell into his hands and how easily he held onto it while continuing to maintain a lavish lifestyle. She had taught him well. 

Now, she found herself wondering how she had come to be the weekend house sitter when there were so many others who could have done the job. She realized that Charlie was in a transitional phase with his endless barrage of beautiful girlfriends; in other words, he couldn’t trust any of his sex-starved, money-grubbing whores to keep his home. She sighed. Berta was out of town seeing to the birth of her second grandchild, Alan and Jake were off on some whirlwind father/son camping trip (much to Jake’s chagrin) and Charlie was undoubtedly in a drunken stupor somewhere between one of Las Vegas’ most lavish casinos and the nearest strip club. She knew her children very well. 

As she tried to decide which surface to sit on, which couch had been used the least for Charlie’s tri-weekly sessions of random living room debauchery, she caught sight of someone on the balcony. 

She murmured to herself, “What the hell?” 

She went and slid the glass doors open and was shocked to see a lovely brunette sunning herself on a beach lounge chair. Her pale body was stark contrast to her deep red bikini and black hair fanned out around her head beneath a straw sun hat. 

“Rose?”

The woman Charlie had often referred to as his friendly neighborhood stalker looked up and smiled impishly at Evelyn. 

“Oh, hello Mrs. Harper.” She raised her shades a bit and shrugged. “Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to. It’s just so serene up here.”

“How did you get up here?”

Now Rose grinned. “I’m actually rather skilled at spelunking… and this is sorta like that – but in reverse.” 

Evelyn rolled her eyes. “Does Charlie know that you’re up here? I mean, did he authorize…”

“Oh, Charlie knows I come up here sometimes. It’s therapeutic.” 

“Is that so?” Evelyn glanced out at the view. The ocean seemed to be moving in slow motion, blue waves, tipped in white and creeping up the shoreline before retreating. She sighed and perched on a nearby lounger. 

“Um, Evelyn?” Rose glanced up, admiring the older woman’s sleek crisp mint suit, trimmed in cream. She always wore the nicest suits like a first lady – or Hell, a president! She was so stately and well put together. “You can’t sunbathe in work clothes.”

“These aren’t work clothes, dear,” she said with a touch too much sarcasm. “This is a Vera Wang, casual suit for… you know, going to brunch or whatever people do for fun.” 

Rose turned to look at Charlie’s mom, the woman she had often fantasized was her Mother-in-law, and grinned. The wind played in her auburn hair and Rose could see that there was something on her mind, her snarky mouth biting at the corner of her lip. 

“What do you do for fun?”

Evelyn turned her hazel eyes onto Rose and smirked. “Well, I certainly don’t climb up my neighbors’ balconies and use their decks for my own personal use.”

“You should try it sometime.” Rose was far from offended. She prided herself on her stalking skills. It was one of her best assets, although not in Charlie’s opinion…

They sat in silence for several minutes until Evelyn became warm and shed her jacket revealing a smart cream blouse underneath. Rose stole glances at her, afraid of being the object of her critical jabs. Although, a part of her, the crazy part, enjoyed Evelyn’s abusive wit; it was one of her defining characteristics. 

When she turned to look at the younger woman again, Evelyn frowned. “How can you do this? How can you climb up this balcony time after time, hoping for a shred of attention from my son, who can barely come out of a drunken stupor to even realize where the hell he is?” 

Rose shrugged, dabbing lip balm on her pouty mouth. “I dunno. Easy I guess.”

“Doesn’t seem worth it to me. I mean, he’s my son so I have to have some semblance of loyalty. But thinking it over, he’s a very selfish, simple, pig-dog of a man. I wouldn’t wish him on any woman – let alone someone decent. Like you.” 

Rose was flabbergasted. “You… you think I’m decent?”

Evelyn shrugged her shoulder. “Well, yes, I suppose. I mean, I’m sure you belong in someone’s psych ward and you’re extremely obsessive to the point of being scary, but… you’re a decent and pretty girl. I suspect you may even have a sliver of a working brain buried beneath that thick layer of psychosis.” 

Only Evelyn Harper could make a girl feel special amidst a barrage of insults. The woman was endearing in her own way, classy, put together. Rose craned her neck to look into her face. Those long lashes hid a lot behind those eyes: compassion, vulnerability, love? 

“You think I’m pretty?”

Evelyn scoffed, her elegant hand dismissing the comment. “Doesn’t matter. Pretty girls are a dime a dozen these days. If you’re not born with it, it can be easily purchased through one of several plastic surgeons. Four of which, I highly recommend.” Evelyn paused. “Although, natural beauty is rare, I will say.” She glanced at Rose before turning her gaze back to the immense sea. 

“I’m shocked. I mean, I assumed you put me in the category with all the crack whores and truck stop heroine addicts as all Charlie’s other women. I mean,” Rose thought about it. “Some of them have been relatively okay, I guess. Some even have jobs, but I’ve seen plenty of them who I swear were made in a lab.” The brunette coughed to calm her nerves before perking up a bit. “Evelyn, would you like a drink?” 

Evelyn’s eyebrows shot up towards her hairline. “You’re a cheeky one, aren’t you? Reminds me of me in my heyday…” 

“So, will you join me for a drink?”

Evelyn’s grin was warm. “Listen, I’m not averse to the occasional party drug, but I’ve heard about you, and I’m not privy to being roofied – at least not this early in the day. Another time, perhaps?” 

Rose snorted. “I wasn’t going to drug you. I don’t go around drugging people as a habit. I mean, I may have had a situation with Charlie, but it was for a good reason.” 

She stood and stretched, arms reaching behind her head. Evelyn turned to openly gaze. She had forgotten how lovely the female form could be, how nubile and sleek, how state-of-the-art like a Lamborghini. 

“Please come inside and I’ll make you an excellent Long Island Iced Tea. You can watch if you want. To make sure I don’t get up to any shenanigans.” Her wink made Evelyn smile. 

“You’re a tough customer.” She couldn’t help but to follow her. She was somewhat hypnotized by her, a shocking revelation. Suddenly, she could see why Charlie kept her around. 

As Rose stood at the bar and mixed two drinks, Evelyn found the stereo and put on some vague satellite station. She also took a moment to wonder what the hell was wrong with her? She didn’t ‘hang around’ with her son’s playthings. Especially not when there were properties to sell, wine bars to peruse, eligible millionaires to consort with. Instead, here she was, having a mid-day drink with Rose, a woman who owned no less than twelve pairs of binoculars and kept a rope and duct tape in the trunk of her car ‘just in case’. 

She coughed to clear her throat. “Um, Rose, on second thought, I really must go. I have something to attend to.” 

The woman actually looked crestfallen. “But, I thought we could have a drink and chat. I never spent time alone with you. There’s always Charlie or Alan or Berta…”

“Listen, dear, there’s no point.” Her tone was rather frosty. “I’m not your friend and you’re barely associated with my son, short of the occasional peak into his bedroom or your nightly slitherings up his balcony. I’m honestly not clear why he doesn’t get a restraining order, but I’ll never understand him. At any rate, if you’re going to hang around in his condo then please… don’t break anything. Also, I’ll be back in a few hours. Please be gone when I return.”

Rose stood there flabbergasted, a drink in each hand. “Okay.” She said softly. “I understand.”

“Good.” And Evelyn turned to exit without saying goodbye. 

When she got out to her car, she realized she’s forgotten her suit jacket. Dammit, she murmured. It was such a clean exit. Now she had to confront the woman again. When she opened the door she found Rose on the couch openly sobbing, one empty glass on the end table next to her and the other half-full in her hand. 

She took the scene in at a glance and tried to calculate her next move: the grab and dash maneuver or the vaguely apologetic smile, wave and head nod…

She shut her eyes for strength and prayed for compassion. It was still such a foreign concept. “Rose?”

She lifted her head and met the other woman’s eyes. “Evelyn.”

“Did you drink that entire glass of alcohol in the two minutes I’ve been gone?” 

Rose nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of one hand. “I almost drank this one too, but I couldn’t stop crying long enough.” 

“Well,” Evelyn crossed her arms over her chest. “If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ve come to the wrong place.”

“I know.” She sniffled and took a large gulp from the glass in her hand. “Charlie told me all about you. Actually Alan and Charlie have told me stories about how you were so selfish and emotionally unavailable while they were growing up, they only had each other to look to for guidance. Apparently, you were such a toxic narcissist that they both grew up afraid and stunted, so starved for affection and unable to commit to anything or anyone that one became a womanizing drunk and the other a needy simpering man child.”

Evelyn swallowed. “Ouch.” 

“I’m sorry.” Rose brought the glass to her lips again, but Evelyn was too fast for her. 

She snatched it from her hands, slumped down into the couch next to her and took a long pull from the tumbler until it was empty. “You go straight for the jugular, don’t you?” 

“I’m only repeating what I was told.” She glanced next to her at the beautiful older woman and half-smiled. “I thought maybe they were exaggerating. I thought you probably had some redeeming qualities, but I was wrong.” 

Evelyn pushed a hand through her fluffy auburn hair. “Listen, I may have come across as rather…”

“Bitchy?” 

Evelyn shrugged. “For lack of a better word, yes, but it was never my intent to hurt you or, God forbid, bring you to tears.” 

Rose reached for a nearby box of Kleenex and dabbed at her eyes and nose. “You seemed to enjoy it.” 

“Maybe inadvertently, but that certainly wasn’t my original plan.” 

Rose’s brown eyes looked hopeful again. “So, we can maybe be friends?”

Evelyn shook her head. “Of course not. We have nothing in common, we’re two different types of people. You obviously have an array of emotions and needs while I only have two settings: predatory or discourteous. Neither of those suits your needs.”

“That’s not true.” Rose smiled vaguely. “I know you care about things.”

“I care about money.”

“You care about people.”

“My investment broker?” 

Rose’s little laugh came out of nowhere and was musical in a way, Evelyn turned her head to hide her amusement. 

“You’re such a poser Evelyn, I can see right through it.” She tugged Evelyn’s sleeve playfully. “I know that underneath that tough exterior is a heart of gold just waiting to be unleashed.” 

Evelyn rolled her eyes. “You make me sound like a Care Bear.”

“You are one!” Rose smirked. “I got your number.”

“Oh, do you?” Evelyn let herself be drawn in, a grin spreading across her face. “I doubt it.”

“I think I can prove it.” Rose said softly. 

“Oh? How?” 

“Like this.” Rose brought her mouth in and met Evelyn’s, tasting rum and triple sec on her lips. Evelyn was too startled to react at first and allowed the contact for a moment before pulling out of the kiss, her eyes searching Rose’s face. She brought a hand up and lightly touched her full bottom lip with her thumb before finally leaning in again, watching Rose’s long lashes flutter shut before she kissed her for as long as common sense would allow…

tbc


End file.
